Thursday, September 15, 2011

Friendships Aren't Competition

A huge problem that's incredibly pervasive among our generation of women is that we are constantly competing with one another.  
Who's smarter?  
Who's prettier?  
Who's more fun?  
Who's got hotter clothes?
In a day where we are able to interact with a monumentally larger amount of people through travel, internet, etc., we can always find someone who has 1-uped us in any area of life.  This not only creates huge problems with our own global self-esteem, but it can affect our mood and our emotions.  And the ripple effect from there is endless!  
Seriously, this needs to stop!  
So I met a girl last year, we’ll call her Kate, and every time I ran into her (which was on a pretty frequent basis) she always came off as being very cold and uninviting.  I’m a pretty happy and bubbly person, so I just couldn’t figure out why I was getting this response from her!  I was being nice, and I never said anything mean or even sarcastic, so there wasn’t even the chance that she could’ve taken something the wrong way.  At the time I was the new girl around, and because our paths crossed at so many different times during the week I felt like she was being overly protective of her world and that if she let me in even a little it would severely threaten her place in it.  It started to make me feel uncomfortable and I noticed that I even began changing some of the things I did just to avoid her!

I ended up becoming good friends with another girl who has known Kate for a long time who was able to explain to me that Kate is simply very guarded at first and is just wary of letting people into her life
for fear of being burned.  

How much can I relate to that?
My perspective towards Kate changed from seeing her as a girl who was icy and kind of frigid to someone I really wanted to get to know better!  I really felt we could relate to one another on quite a few levels if we could just get past the first step of seeing each other in the wrong frame.  And after all, we were running into each other more frequently, so it could benefit us both if we could figure out a way to become friends instead of competition.
I’ve become incredibly better friends with her now, and we've even started to hang out outside of our usual settings together!  I can honestly say that changing the way I see her has totally helped me drop my own barriers about developing a friendship with her.  
What does this matter to you?  Well, if you’re anything like me and have any barriers that keep you from getting to know someone better, particularly that you see them as competition, REFRAME IT!  Don't see them as someone you have to be better than, see them as someone you can support and who can support you.  After all, that's what a friendship is for.
It shouldn’t be a competition.
So to go with September's challenge of developing healthier relationships with other girls, check out 
then email me your experience!  Send it to: 

Ooh I'm so excited!!  If I can change my life, you can change yours!!
And That's Better!


  1. well said! i love these posts, they are so optimistic and uplifting. i will try to remember all of this if i ever come across someone who isnt super friendly or outgoing right away. ox

  2. My heart melted as I read this. Love it!! So true!

  3. I can totally relate to this. I am sometimes too quick to judge if a person isn't as welcoming and willing to become friends with me. I've learned to realize that people are different and that not everyone is just bubbly at first sight. You have to dig deeper with some people, just like you did!
    Thanks for more inspiration on friendships. It makes me want to work harder at ones that are just "on the surface" friendships.

    and thank you so much for your kind words on my blog! ;) it means a lot!

  4. I love this! I think I can be a little like your friend Kate sometimes. I can definitely be reserved at first, and forget that other people can be the same way. Great post!