Friday, February 5, 2010

Teenage Passion: That's Better.

So I coach a high school cheerleading squad. Tonight the basketball teams played in Price, and I have been dreading the drive for the past two days. Three hours of driving in the car with teenage girls on a Friday night to and from a high school basketball game? No thank you, Amarillis. Turns out, one of the most fun nights I've had reminiscing about my adolescence. I'm not typically one to reminisce in the old times, anyways, because of the pain that comes along with realizing you don't have those times anymore, but tonight brought back some truly great feelings that I will not be quick to forget, like other good memories I want to throw, no, chuck, out the window. Pause story 1 HERE.

Begin story 2 HERE. A few weeks ago I was on the good ol' facebook and up popped a chat window with my high school boyfriend from junior year. Whew, even thinking back to the spring of 2004 right now is making my heart race. Anyways, we were chatting about his upcoming wedding and a few throw back comments were made and suddenly there we were, May, 2004, sitting in his car at Tom Sawyer Park just at dusk, listening to John Mayer on the speakers, neon lights from the stereo highlighting every other facial feature we possessed.. He later sent me an email he'd found in the depths of his inbox from the same email he's had since high school. (He must have been one of those rare high schoolers who had logic when choosing their first email address, rather than some teen-appropriate address you end up being embarrassed to claim two years down the road.) This amazing email, 'Snapshots', was a composite of just a few of the many texts we sent back and forth which pierced our souls and made our hearts skip a beat. He'd first sent it to me when we broke up as a sort of closure and cleansing, and has resent it a few times for nostalgic purposes. Anyways, reading it again last week made MY heart skip a beat, which it has been SO long since that's happened, and it made me realize that I miss that teenage passion I once was able to feel.

When did I stop feeling so passionately? I never said 'I love you' to Justin, this particular boyfriend, and I've actually said it since then to someone, but I don't remember such an over-encompassing feeling of love and joy and care rushing through my heart for someone for so long. Young love, it's better than what I'm feeling now.

Combine stories 1 and 2 HERE. So tonight, back in the car with my four 14-year old girls, driving an hour in the dark and talking about their crushes I couldn't help but go back to those thoughts of high school and the overwhelming feeling of love you have at that age and the next few years to come for those with whom you develop that unique and special kind of relationship. I've felt love since then, but not love like then. Does that kind ever come back? Do you ever get to feel so 'twitterpated' in love as you did in high school? I don't know, although sometimes I wish you do. It was nice to feel such a strong passion for something you had no control over. I wonder if that's what it's like to have kids: a care so deep you can't help but have it consume your entire being every time you stop thinking about everything else and start thinking about what you have.

It's so interesting to see myself grow up and notice the cognitive changes I experience throughout development. It's like I am my own experiment.. Maybe I should change my graduate major :)

Back to focus.. My point, America, is don't forget those teenage passions of your past, for those just may be the very ones which help you recognize love in the future.

(And yes, for those of you wondering, I AM currently laying on my bed, in the dark, listening to John Mayer on the speakers, the faint light of my computer dimly shading every other billow of my bed... :) )

-sitting close, I can feel you next to me. i'm nervous, not yet sure of myself. i lean in close. you turn, and the look in your eyes tells me yes. "you know what's awesome", i whisper, "every night's their first kiss"

-we take a walk through the park. under the moon, i hold you in my arms. my heart swells; i love everything about this moment. "it's like the song", you say. "I melt.."

- :) good morning ;) you were in my dreams last night :) but i'd rather have you here..

-i did something stupid, again. didn't call, forgot a promise, it doesn't matter. all that matters is that you went to sleep mad at me tonight. my heart aches. a lump grows in my throat. i can't believe i hurt you. i would do anything to take it back.

-i leave work, straight on the interstate. my heart soars. i do ninety, but this is the longest hour of my life. my baby called; she's waiting.

and after the breakup:
-i want to reach through the phone and wipe the tears from your eyes, fight the pain from your chest. my heart has never ached this bad. i want to slam my phone on the ground, scream until it hurts. my heart is breaking. i wish i could just say the right words. i turn on our song, and sob. i love you so much it hurts...

Some fun high school photos:

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